Friday, March 6, 2009

Bad news, But how bad?? 2/20 - 2/23

UPDATE - 2/20/09 - I'm in shock right now so bare with me. But the dr. just called and our baby boy's kidneys are getting close to end of stage. Now the ? is coming up to terminate or to let nature take it's course which will more than likely end in death before or shortly after birth. Right now the dr is allowing two more serial urine taps to be done over the course of 3 days to get the freshest of fresh urine, my mother is also going to speak with the dr. to get a better grasp on what all is going on. It's harder for the mother to take in everything, so her second set of ears may have something better to hear. Still hoping for a miracle and praying for the best. GOD we're down to about a week now, it's time for a healing. thank you for all ur prayers, now just keep us in your thoughts and prayers while we go through this tough tough time.

UPDATE - 2/23/09 - 1 day before my apt and i've been crying researching and getting as much info as I can to ask as many questions as I can. But so far this is what I know : Yesterday I called a dr. in cali that deals with LUTO on a regular. Not that my dr. isn't great I just wanted to get some info from him and being that I contacted them upon finding out about it, they've asked me to keep in touch. I've had a couple days to IDK view the matter at hands that we are now dealing with. I know that my dr. doesn't jive patients, but I somehow think he has a lil heart for me and my family and is now starting to put the sugar on things just a lil. I was under the impression that we've come to the end of the road. That in some way some how this is supposed to be. Have I accepted? NO. But I have accepted that I love my baby, I don't want him to suffer, I've done everything the best way I knew how, I did not do this to him. I've also done everything that I've possibly been able to do to save his life and better his health. After speaking with this dr and his RN this LUTO is no joke. There is no grey area in this matter and long term is not just a small surgery away. At this point if my son lived which he feels is rare he would come into this world with full renal failure immature lungs, he would then be on dialysis over 8 hrs a day and I would have to Cathe him every 4 hrs. Until he makes it to donor age and weight, 1 yr and 22 lbs (Vashon just made 22 lbs last month). The true upsetting news is that I didn't realize that I was his life support. I thought that after my fluid became basically nothing, then he would pass. That is not really the case, and I could have to carry this baby for another 17-18 wks. Or I can have a therapeutic termination where I labor and give birth. I'm so upset and torn because I can not wrap my thoughts around either. This baby will continue to grow and move for 18 more wks and all that while i'll know that his lungs stopped developing at 23 wks and his kidneys are non functioning. If one doesn't kill him the other will shortly after birth. I really am so heartbroken right now. I really thought that if I went against termination I would carry him for a few more wks my fluid is already very low and then after he passed inutero I would deli ever. The fact is that I will more than likely either way I choose deliver a live baby that will die shortly afterwards. What do I do?

1 comment:

  1. Hope you are having a good time on Vacation,

    Scripture of the day...

    Isaiah 61:7 You shall receive Double for your trouble.