Today you would have been 17 months old. I often tell people that the 17th and 18th months are my favorite times with children, they walk, but not fast enough to run away, the talk, but not good enough to talk back. This age is when a child becomes a toddler without being a terrible toddler, still small enough to cuddle but old enough to do some things on their own. It's the perfect age.
Your brother often asks me to play with him, the games he plays are strange and for some reason I never play right, in between cooking or cleaning, I stop in to play but can't do it all the time. I have to say "no" a lot and it breaks my heart because you would be the perfect age to play with him. I know you two would fight but what siblings don't? When we drive I often imagine the two of you back there, fussing and fighting, laughing and giggling, you were still my idea of the perfect family . In many things Vashon does I think of you, we have all been effected by the loss and we all miss you.
Your baby brother is still doing well and I thank you for looking after him, but losing you has changed the excitement of a new baby. God has blessed me to have a very active baby in my tummy so I don't worry as much, but I can't help but worry about him and even more so when he comes home. We're starting to get things ready around the house for him to come home, but I still can't help but hesitate or save receipts. Losing you has made me a germaphobe, crazy, worry-wart of a mother. And the closer I get to having your brother the more bitter I seem to become about you not being here, it would have been wonderful to have all 3 of you here. I love you and miss you so much. I know where you are and I know you are safe, which does bring great comfort but
Losing you has changed me.