Thursday, May 7, 2009

She told me to just say "F*%^ It"

Yesterday was a bad day for me. It was my time to get my it's just not fair moment. I took it very hard and cried for almost the whole day. I had wonderful people just a phone call away to help me through the tears. They have all been through some form of life event that makes you go in the corner scream and cry, WHY ME??? and say things like IT'S NOT FAIR!!!. Because they knew 1st hand what I was going through they let me have my time to sulk in my bad day, they listened and did not judge. I thank you Auntie, Lisa, Jessica and Kristen.

I went to bed with every intention to wake up and have a better day, however that was not the case. I felt bad all over again. My mom so perfectly called me as I was having my moment once again, with her past experience she let me have my moment, however being that she is my mother, she gave me the wonderful motherly advice I needed. I was then able to speak to Jenn who lost Matthew only 2 mo ago, I was reassured once again that the feelings I was having were normal. Thank you Mom and Jenn.

Pam is a military wife who's daughter is suffering from potters syndrome. She is stationed in Alaska away from family, like myself and is dealing with a lot of feelings a mixed emotions. She is the only one I know of right now standing in limbo with me. She is set to deliver 1 week after I do. I emailed her to tell her about my hard time, knowing she would understand thinking she would maybe be going through those same feelings right along with me. However in her reply she said her supportive piece but then told me to just say "f*^% it". She said it's not about anyone right now, but Vayden, and to just spend time with him and enjoy whatever I have with him. She said not to worry and stress over the people who don't yet understand or make it hard for me, she said just stop giving a damn. Have fun with Vayden, make memories and be a normal pregnant woman, not one that feels her belly is a burden.

I took her advice immediately. I got dressed got Vashon dressed, turned my phone on silent and me and my boys went to the zoo. We had a wonderful time, of course until we had to leave and Vashon hit the floor and I had to walk away gracefully. Otherwise I would be in questioning from CPS, lol. After the zoo we got a fat burrito from chipotle and I ate it all in under 10 min ( nothing out of the norm for me, lol)

I'm glad I listened to Pam it was wonderful advice. I didn't cry over Vayden, I enjoyed him and it was a good day. So thank you Pam.

*Above are the pics from today. The 1st pic is Vashon when we left the zoo, he was so mad at me that we had to leave. I was talking to him and he just put his sunglasses on to try to block me out. Take note to how he put them on, lol. I'm 33 weeks along and here is yet another place that Vayden has been so blessed to visit.
*Today I did a double post, so there is also a second post below this one FYI*


  1. I'm sorry it was a bad day. :( You know they're bound to happen at some point but they just plain suck. I'm glad you have surrounded yourself with so many supportive people. That is really great and you'll need it. I'm glad you went to the zoo. It's great to create memories while Vayden is in your tummy. It's always something you can look back on and say "we did that together."

  2. I'm happy you are making memories with Vayden and even happier you are telling the world to stick it where the sun don't shine. :) You are THE momma!

  3. It looks like you all had a great time at the zoo, other than the meltdown! Beautiful pictures to treasure! I'm so glad I got to talk to you the other day.

    XOXO Jenn

  4. So sorry to hear you were having a bad day but glad to hear you made the best of it. The picture of Vashon glaring at you behind the upside down sunglasses is priceless!

  5. I'm sorry you had a bad day but so happy that you turned it around. What a beautiful blog. You have a beautiful family! I hope you don't mind me joining you on your journey.

  6. I just wanted to stop in and say hello! I came across your blog a few days ago and caught up on the story of Vayden. I think you are an incredibly strong woman and admire your love for the Lord. While reading this post, I was glad to see you enjoy spending time with Vashon and Vayden! I hope you don't mind me contining to follow your story! :)

  7. Keep treasuring each are doing an amazing job! Your friend has great advice for you...keep breathing!

  8. Stephanie,
    That is such great advice your friend gave you - "just be a normal pregnant woman and not feel that your belly is a burden." I wish that someone had said that to me while I was pregnant with Michael. Enjoy your time with your miracle. He is truly a gift from god. I hope you don't mind me following your journey.

  9. I am so blessed to have you in my life. You are such a strong, inspirational woman. Everything you do, you do with grace and class and an unshakeable faith in God. You are an amazing wife, mother, friend and all around human being. I am so happy you let me be there as a form of support during this time. I wish I could do so much more for you. I love you and Van and your angel on earth and your angel in heaven. I will always be here.

    With Love,

    Kristen Reaves