The birth story of an Angel

It was May 22, 2009. I was awaken early by a phone call from Van, saying their coming home (finally) today and I need to pick him up at noon, I looked at the clock, OMG!!! it's 8am. The house was a bit of a mess, Vashon's toys everywhere. I get up rush to clean up shower and shave I hadn't seen my husband in 23 days. Our Memorial day weekend was already planned to go to Tulsa to spend with his side of the family at the lake, kind of our way of having one more weekend of normal life before our world was turned upside down. The delay in Van getting home and our to do list, gave us a lil time at home, no time to pack, and few mins to take a nap. We wake up and remember that we needed to change our cell phone service from sprint to AT&T, so we head over to the AT&T store. It was 5:40pm when I casually text my mom saying "I may be having minor contractions, hope your bags are packed". Thinking in my mind they were nothing but braxton hicks. I never experienced them with Vashon, so I really wasn't sure. In fact I insisted I had gas for about 20 min, not gonna lie I did eat Mexican food that day, lol.

By 6:30 pm the contractions, were about 3-4 min apart, and I was in a lot of pain. Still I insisted they were braxton hicks and if I went in to be checked I would only be about 2 cm dilated. I asked Van to take me home, so I could take a warm bath then lay down for an hour. That didn't work out to well as the pain became stronger and closer and Van over ruled and said we're going to the hospital. I still felt they were going to keep me for a lil while stop labor and what not so we didn't pack, not to mention Van was so freaked out by my intense screams he could no longer bare to see me in such pain.

At 7:20 pm we're in OB triage and I'm told that I'm already 8cm dilated. WOW!!!! I broke down crying, looked at the nurse and said I have 7 nails, my hair is nappy and my eyebrows look like chubaca. They unlocked my bed and started rolling it Labor and Delivery, that is when I realized that I didn't even know I was dilated, and I clearly labor fast. Then it hit me. I have nothing for Vayden. I cried and cried, how could I have done so much to remember my son while I carried him and nothing on the day I finally would meet him? I asked for my epidural ASAP!!! and got it. Then started to calm down, I was going to figure something out.
I asked Van to call Carrie from NILMDTS, I asked for my purse thank God my camera was in there and had a decent charge. I then got my phone knowing I could have maybe an hour or two, I was going to refuse to be checked for as long as I could. This baby wasn't coming out until he forced himself out. I was not planning to help. lol.
I called my friend Sara who I knew lived not to far from the hospital. I asked if she could please go to wal mart and get a preemie baby outfit a blanket and a cap. She was honored to do it and was there quickly she even remembered to pick up some socks for Vayden. I thank her so very much for how helpful she was. I still wanted my care packages, so I called my friend Morgan who lives off base but has access to get on. She had to come to the hospital to get our house key , then to our house and back to the hospital. She didn't think twice about coming and did it quickly. Carrie from NILMDTS had no photographers in town, she said that she would come out to be with us. Carrie just went through a round of chemo that week I knew she probably wasn't feeling great, but she found the strength to come be with us. Truly 3 wonderful walking angels.

Once everyone was there, my midwife (who was not on call but came up to be with me) told me I was ready and I could start pushing. With my midwife, two nurse and Van by my side I started pushing. Carrie stayed quiet in the back round taking photo and my MIL walked in about 5 min before his head was out. Midnight Vayden James Stewart was born 4 lbs 15 oz & 17 3/4" long. Only one ounce bigger than his brother Vashon, but looking just like he did when he was born. I fell in love all over again. Vayden let out a cry it was a bit of a struggling sound, but we were told he may not even be able to cry. They left him on my chest for a lil while until the placental expelled, so that we could hear him cry and coo more. He opened his eyes and looked into the eyes of both me and my husband. Van's attachment hit instantly, he was overwhelmed with joy and sadness, because he knew Vayden was fighting for his life. I however only felt utter and complete joy. I was so happy he made it through labor and a vaginal delivery.

After a few mins with him I wanted to know more about his condition, he just looked too perfect, to be sick, although we could hear his weak cry and see his struggle to breathe he was just so perfect. Van cut the cord and we let him go to the other side of the room to receive a quick assessment. Everyone in the room politely stayed out of my way so that I could still see him. They checked him and said his heart was great but his breathing was bad, I asked for him to come back to my arms, but requested that daddy bring him to me. The NICU Dr's said he could be with us for about 30-60 min without breathing support.

We took that time to love on Vayden, I sang "you are my sunshine" and "happy birthday" my husband sang the Air Force song, he always sang to Vashon to get him to calm down. We cried and gave thanks to God at the same time. Two hours later with no breathing support Vayden was still with us. We called for the NICU to come down, we were considering having him taken up there to get a better assessment. They came down with a machine to check Vayden's lungs and oxygen levels, she sat with us and told us that his lungs were very underdeveloped and he was not getting proper oxygen. She then paused with tears in her eyes, said we can take him upstairs but that will not save him just prolong this. We agreed with our initial choice to show him nothing but love, we said thank you and she left us with our baby. Thirty min later that same NICU Dr. came to our room and said she felt she didn't tell us enough. While holding Vayden in my arms she said, "you guys are doing the right thing", tears came to her eyes as she said we are in her prayers.

Right before he passed away we had him baptized and Van, myself and his paternal grandmother told him "it's ok to go home to be with Jesus" Vayden fooled us for a while as he would get very quiet, we thought he had gone and then he would let out a coo cry or open his eyes. One last kiss on his cheek I said "it's ok baby, you can go, I love you".

Vayden James Stewart died in my arms at 3:45am. We held him and cried. I got up to use the restroom and broke down as I had to change my blood stained hospital gown. I begged the nurse to please let me keep it. She said it was fine. I pulled myself together walked over to my son and changed him into a different outfit from what his father put him in earlier. It was not hard at all as I smiled and handled Vayden gently.

We made foot prints on everything, the hospital did a 3D mold of his hands and feet, we took over 300+ pictures. Then me and Van laid in bed with our son and fell asleep.

I'm so proud of Vayden he fought a good fight and changed my world along with many others. Although short, what a meaningful life. Something we all strive for, something my son did. He is in Heaven now watching over mommy, daddy, and brother Vashon.

We give thanks to God for giving us a life changing 3 hrs and 45 min with our son.

- For every comment, text message, email and phone call thank you. I do read them all and I do appreciate every single one of them. Thank you so very much