In these past few weeks more strangers are becoming brave to ask me questions about why I'm carrying to term, why I'm selecting comfort care, and the bravest of the brave ask me why I'm just going to let my baby die? I've also had many people tell me to pray and pray harder, I've been constantly reminded that God performs miracles, and I need to keep my faith.
I have faith. I still love God in fact I love him even more now, is that not faith? I'm carrying to term, I found out I lost fluid at 22 weeks, 12 weeks ago I could have said it's over lets get him out, but I didn't. Is that not faith? Is accepting that our prayers for a total and complete healing will be answered on earth or in heaven not faith? Yet because I contacted Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep and because I've booked the base chapel. I've been told that I don't have faith in what God can do.
So because I planned for the worst and the best, I have now spoken death to my child and there is no need for God to intervene??? Is that what you are trying to tell me ??? How many stories have you heard of people trying to slit their wrist and missing the vein? Or blow their brains out and missing the part that kills them?? is that not God??
God is not Santa Clause, all too often do people expect him to be, at the first moment they don't get what they wanted, they turn their back on him.
God is not and never does things like this to push you in the ground and kick dirt in your mouth, from all that is bad something does come good.
The point that I'm making is this is not up to me anymore, in fact it never was. However I have been told something is wrong and it has been explained to me how fatal it can be. I find that I've done a wonderful job in keeping my FAITH in check, otherwise this would have been over a long time ago. I want my baby more than anything, as I'm sure all the other wonderful faithful parents who have lost did also. I don't know what the final chapter will read for Vayden, but please don't mis understand my actions for a lack of faith, especially if you have not walked two steps in the shoes I'm wearing now.
I've addressed our choice for comfort care in previous post, so no need to go back around that merry go round, please understand that comfort care is not set in stone. Vayden will be assessed and then and only then will the true choice be made. I will not even address the "why am I just going to let my baby die?" because everyone who knows me and has truly read Vayden's story knows that we would never do something like that.
Can't believe our little miracle is 3 years old!
5 years ago