Today I had a Dr. appointment because I have high blood pressure. I needed my prescription to be refilled and I thought I would be in and out. Key word: I THOUGHT, I ended up finding out that my previous blood work showed possible kidney problems and that my primary care manager wants to send me to see a kidney specialist. I also had to have more blood work and have my medication changed to something that will help my blood pressure if I do in fact have kidney issues. The Dr. is talking and saying all these terms that I remember hearing or reading about through my journey with Vayden. All while my eyes are filling with tears as the Dr. who didn't know about Vayden puts her hand on my knee and says "this is precaution since you're so young and because of your family history" (talking about my mom and dad both having blood pressure issues). I guess I didn't hear that all the way and I let my tears go, she couldn't understand why I was so emotional, I said "it was me wasn't it? Vayden's condition was my fault my kidneys are bad no wonder his would be also". She still did not understand what I was talking about so I told her about Vayden, her eyes began to water she kept saying, "no, did they say his condition was genetic?" I said "no, but now you're telling me this, about my own health" she told me she needed to go get something from her office and that she would be right back. I stayed crying knowing in the back of my mind that Vayden's condition was a fluke and that the only reason his kidneys failed was because he couldn't get his urine out. Still my not so good news about my own health flooded my reasonable thinking.
The Dr. came in with a few sheets of paper some about LUTO, she gave me a pep talk, hit me with some hard facts and assured me that I did nothing wrong. We talked for a little while after I calmed down, I showed her Vayden's pictures and told her about MVOA, I left that appointment with a smile on my face I don't know why I broke down like I did but that is how grief is, comes out of no where kicks you down and tries to hold you there. I'm happy that I took my moment but got back up, I don't know what is the issues with my personal health and at the moment I'm not going to worry hard about it. One thing I learned with Vayden is "leave it in Gods hands"
Can't believe our little miracle is 3 years old!
4 years ago