Monday, December 14, 2009

I Get It From My Mama

Not just my good lucks, I mean look at her isn’t she a 10?? This woman looks amazing and no she did not have me when she was 18.

Many people have asked me how I am so strong, how am I able to deal with the death of my 2nd son so well. My faith plays a big role in my understanding and healing process, but so does my mother. My mother is my rock; she walked me through my pregnancy with Vashon and was there from diagnosis date to delivery with Vayden. We disagree all the time, but whenever I need her she is there. Sharon and I have similar ways on how we handle life’s curve balls.

I must have been about 9 and my brother 11 when my dad got sick. Unexpectedly this came about and gradually his condition got worse, by the time I was 12 my father was basically living in the hospital. My mother worked full time, was my father’s best patient advocate and still a mother of two, she was the glue that kept our family together. The best thing she ever did for my brother and I, was let us be kids, we never knew how sick our father was, never had to worry about medical bills, never worried about dinner, my brother never had to step up and take care of me, and we never had to pay for my mom’s exhaustion or daily worries, she never flipped out or lost her cool with us around. Our lives were as normal as they could have been minus our dad being in and out the hospital, I can only count on one hand the amount of times I saw her cry. I’m sure she had someone to talk with, someone to cry to, but she didn’t use her kids as support, instead she used us as a reason to keep going and she knew we had a lot of life ahead of us. She handled my father’s illness with inspirational strength and grace. I recognize this now because I am a mother and I have been faced with an adult issue that I could easily bring Vashon into, forcing him to grow up too soon. When I was pregnant with Vayden and knew that his prognosis was bleak, I remember telling myself “Vashon must remain a child through all of this, no matter how hard it is for me. “ I thank my mother for taking on such a huge load, and being sensitive to how pure being young is. She knew we had to grow up one day and take on loads of our own, but she always let us have what some people never experience and what no one can ever get back…………. a childhood.

“Mom, I always knew you were an amazing mom, but it truly took losing Vayden to understand why you did what you did as far as putting up the child protectors. I know how hard it must have been for you during that time, dealing with children is hard enough, but adding a life changing curve ball makes it seem almost impossible. When my days are long and my heart aches for Vayden, I remind myself that Vayden is well taken care of and I owe Vashon the same childhood you gave me and Terron.”

I’ve said thank you many times but this time I really get it, so Thank You Mom


  1. Stephanie, you and your mom are beautiful women AND you have beautiful hearts!
    Blessings, Sarita

  2. What a wonderful tribute to your mother! You seem to be just like her! I received the teddy bear I ordered in the mail today. It is wonderful. Thank you so much! And I was so excited to find the beautiful angel ornament. I will be printing a photo for it to add to my mother's gift in remembrance of my little brother. Thank you so very much for all that you are doing for so many women!

  3. What a wonderful post to your mother. I remember when we found out my Dad had Cancer my Mom was great. My little sister was in Jr High School and she tried to just let things go so it wouldn't bother her so bad since she was the youngest. Mom's are great and I think your Mom is Awesome and so are you.

  4. What a lovely woman your mother is. You are lucky to have a mother like this and it sounds like you well know it and your gratefulness and love shine through in this post. I envy you that but God did give me other women in my life who were inspirational and caring. (((Hugs)))

  5. Your mother sounds absolutely wonderful. it's amazing she did what she did and still gave you a 'normal' childhood. (is there such a thing as normal?) I have never really looked at it this way, though. What we have gone through losing Chase, my kids have very much been a part of. Reese is the youngest and he is 4 and though he does not understand or know a lot about what happened, he definitely thinks about things and relates things very different than most 4-year-olds. The girls are my rocks. They have their sad moments, or sad days even, but I am there for them and they are there for me when I have mine. Karly checks up on me a lot to make sure I am okay--she used to tell me she hates it when I cry and she's not there with me. I truly could not have gone on without them. They are incredible--they are my life.
    So in reading your post, I wonder if I have cheated them any of their childhood...and I don't think so. I think it is a beautiful perspective you have because of the amazing job your mom did for you and your borhter. And I think Vashon is one lucky little boy to have you as his mother, doing the same thing for him as your mom did for you. And I also think that I needed my kids to 'lean' on and they feel that much more 'important' to me and in this world because they know that they have kept me going. They know how much joy they bring me.
    Your mom is beautiful--inside and out! I know she has to be so incredibly proud of you, even when her heart broke with yours. Sending hugs to you both.
    Thinking of you....

  6. You are both very beautiful (inside and out) and strong women! You are very lucky to have such an amazing role model! As she is lucky to have an amazing daughter!

  7. Stephanie, thank you for sharing about your mom. She is an amazing woman and looks amazingly young too! She took on quite a bit when you were younger and I think she is a great role model. She didn't complain and she didn't drag you and your brother into it all and I admire that. It can be so easy to do that but she let you be kids. Children should be allowed to grieve when they feel like they should but should also have as normal a childhood as possible. They shouldn't have to worry about things like us adults do.

    I love you and your mom!!

  8. What a great are wise and so is your sweet mama.

  9. Stephanie, Wow, what a surprisingly blessed post this was. Yes in deed you get from your mama, but you have an amazing strength all your own. You are handling a far more tragic situation with grace, poise, and strength while continuing to be an awesome mother to both your boys, not letting either be neglected. This comes from the solid Christian foundation instilled very early and the traits that I too received from my mom who I witnessed go through turmoil yet continued to stay strong and also allowed us to be children. Family traits are carried on, so I’m confident that you will instill in Vashon the value of being a well-rounded and strong young man. You truly are an amazing young lady who I am very very proud of. I will always be your rock, even when we don’t agree, cause I know you’re listening. Thanks to all your followers for all the kind comments, but more than that, thanks for connecting with Stephanie, the ties you have and the support you all give her is so heart warming and has been a bridge when I’m not able to hold and hug my baby girl, your support keeps her going. Stephanie your father and I are so proud of you and how you are raising Vashon to have a normal childhood while also lightly introducing him to his angel brother. We miss Vayden so much but through his blog are able to keep his memory fresh and alive. Love you Girlie!