Farewell 2009

2009 by far has been the most challenging year, I battled with using the word “worst” but that would mean nothing good came out of 2009 and the fact that I’m alive healthy and so close to 2010 means that, some things were not so bad. So here is my 2009 in recap please enjoy.

January – I went to my 18 wks prenatal appointment excited to find out if I was having a boy or girl, I found out that my baby suffered from a Lower Urinary Tract Obstruction aka LUTO; I was devastated as I begin high risk intervention to save the baby growing inside me.

February – I had the best birthday in a long time, a massage, a manicure & pedicure, and I even got a Wii game system. 5 days later I got a phone call from my Dr. saying Vayden’s kidneys failed, intervention was over. I made the choice to carry to term.

March – Is when I became very vocal about my situation, I started blogging about my ups and downs, I opened my life to complete strangers and told Vayden’s story through my eyes. I found family through LUTO, women & men who had LUTO angels and some who had LUTO survivors, they were there for me and supported me and I am forever grateful for them. They are my family now. I mourned the deaths of Matthew and Jonah, Vayden’s best friends. (LUTO angels)

John & Kelly Carlson

Georgi Wick

Kristin Campbell

Lisa Fregien

Jenn Harden

McKenzie Hardison

Karen Faust Mcbroom

Devyn's Mom

Yvette Pepe

Mandy Sheridan

Everyone on the Posterior Urethral Valves Facebook group

April – The Stewart family, Vayden included took a trip to California and Las Vegas. In that trip Vayden was able to fly on an airplane, feed the ducks, go to the aquarium, attend his brothers 2nd birthday party, enjoy the sounds of Cirque du Soil in Las Vegas, and eat the best hamburger at In n Out Burger. He was also so lucky to be surrounded by loving friends and family from the west coast. When we got back to Oklahoma we met with an amazingly talented NILMDTS photographer who took amazing maternity photos to help us document this journey through carrying to term

May - I was wishing I could stay pregnant forever, time was running out as my due date was nearing . I lashed out on a few people who gave me the faith or miracle speech, the truth is God already spoke to me by that time, Vayden was not going to stay on earth, but would be born alive. I had faith that God would stick to that word and answer our prayer for a total and complete healing on earth or in Heaven. I wrote the blog post “But you gotta have faith” on May 19th and I went into labor on May 22nd. Vayden James Stewart was born May 23,2009 at midnight, he passed away 3:45am. We were blessed to see him with his eyes wide open, hear him cry and cuddle with him for that time. God stood by his word and we were thankful for every minute we had with Vayden. Vayden died peacefully in my arms, he knew no pain, no needles, and no tubes, welcomed with love and left with love.

June – The Stewart family started to get used to “our new normal”. I was terribly bored; I kept thinking I should be up in the night tired during the day. I played with Vashon all day and worked on my new baby all night My Very Own Angel.

July – I worked all night as if I had a colicky newborn on My Very Own Angel, I told very little people about my new obsession, it was my way of healing through my loss. I tried out a new church and felt at home from the first service. My relationship with Christ was growing while the devil was working shamelessly on trying to ruin my marriage. My Very Own Angel’s website launched on July 24, 2009 just one day after Vayden's 2nd month in Heaven

August – The 345 teddy Bear Project blessed OU Children’s Hospital in Oklahoma City, where Vayden was delivered, it was humbling to go back and give thanks to the amazing staff that was so supportive through my loss. The local news came out to do a story.

September – Vashon took over Vayden’s comfort bear that Kelly from Sufficient Grace sent me, this is the ONLY stuffed animal he has ever liked, so I went ahead and gave it to him and we now refer to the bear as “cuddle brother”

October – Not just Breast Cancer Awareness month it’s also Pregnancy and Infant Loss awareness month and on the 15th I lit a candle for Vayden and all the other babies gone too soon. I also went to a few walks to remember met some great people, and Vayden’s story made the local newspaper a two page spread. Just in time to make others aware of pregnancy and infant loss.

November – Here comes the holiday season, our first without Vayden, we found a way to include him.

December – We included Vayden in everything we could for Christmas, and My Very Own Angel was blessed to touch the lives and offer support to many. I’ve met so many wonderful people throughout this year, many I would not have met had I not suffered this loss, so in the words of the bible. “All things work together for good, to those that love God” Roman 8:28

I look forward to 2010, and I’m very ready to kick 2009 out the door. Our family was tested greatly this year and the devil worked so hard to ruin us, but we took the trails with faith, knowing that God would show us the reward soon.

So to 2009 thank you for the test, the tears, the growth, and the faith, I won’t miss you, but I will always remember you.