Friday, August 21, 2009

Walking With You ~ Every Angel Counts~

Walking With You was created by Kelly of Sufficient Grace Ministries to help support those who have lost a child. Together we share our stories, helpful information, scriptures, encouraging words, prayer requests, and more. To join in on Walking with You please visit Kelly's blog.

This week, Kelly is sharing some commonly asked questions and answers about grieving the loss of a child. The rest of us may blog about a similar topic or share what is on our hearts this week.

This week my heart has been dealing with the way people consider loss. As many of you know I am not at all shy to tell someone I Have My Very Own Angel, I find that many peoples initial thought is “oh she had a miscarriage that is so sad” as I talk more about Vayden they are lead to ask more questions about his passing. When they find out I carried to term, met held my live child and then said goodbye, their eyes begin to tear up, they no longer have anything to say because I’m sorry in their hearts is just not enough. It upsets me that people can think of loss so shallow, like you only deserve credit if it was a late term loss. Like the story is only heartbreaking if your child was once alive in your arms, does it matter?? When a woman suffers a loss of a child at any age she grieves, she hurts the same and some women that suffer miscarriage or still birth feel cheated which is a harder more haunting feeling. Why don’t they deserve the tears and the hugs that I get? Why don’t people recognize that loss as a true heartbreaking loss? Why do they have to pay for a funeral but get no birth certificate?

I think every angel counts and every loss has a story behind it. Don’t discredit a woman’s grief because she lost her pregnancy at 8 weeks, she could have been trying for 4 yrs and those 8 weeks were something she was blessed to have.

Every Angel Counts


  1. Thank you. For some reason I constantly feel as if I need to make a distinction. While the medical community considers Leila a "late m/c" @ 19w5d (she was 2 days from being labeled "stillborn"), I held a little baby girl in my hands. With recognizably our features - my nose, my husband's finger and toenails, a face that looked just like my son's. But as soon as ppl hear "miscarriage", they think of the all-to-common bleeding and cramps at 7 weeks.

    So thank you for educating. I may not comment often, but I love your blog and plan to ask for one of your t-shirts for Christmas!

  2. Well said Stephanee...and very true. All mommies who grieve their babies at any age deserve our love and support...and acknowledgment. No loss is more worth grieving than another. We need to embrace one another in love.

    Thank you for this. I have the MckLinky up now if you want to link up.

  3. I do think people really don't get the grief of what it is like to lose a child unless they have gone through it. I think it is one of the most hurtful things besides the fact of losing our babies - is when people we think would be there for us aren't. Even two years out of losing my son (full term) there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of him. Blogging does help to get out those feelings... it is an up and down journey that is for sure. Hugs to you! (I am also a military wife)

  4. Thank you! I don't like it when people say that one loss is more difficult than another. How can they know that? I believe Carleigh deserved a birth certificate. I birthed my daughter!! I think Ohio may offer a stillbirth certificate. I may look into it b/c that would be better than nothing.

  5. Hello! I don't post here often, but I've been following for awhile.

    You made a great point, one that even I didn't realize. I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks with twins that took me 6 years to conceive. Everyone around me just passed it off as, well it was for the best and you can try again. So that made me feel almost that way too. I grieved, but I couldn't show anyone that because I thought they would think I was silly. Thank you for saying what you said, and making me realize that every angel really does count.

    Stay strong....

  6. I agree. I dont think that one loss is any more difficult than the other. I miscarried at 8 wks and it shattered my world. I didnt know if it was a boy of girl or anything about he/she.

  7. Steph your words ring so true. As you know, my husband and I lost our first child when I was 12 weeks pregnant. Only very close friends spoke to me about my loss. It was so difficult for us. I know that I will meet my little one in heaven. There's no doubt in my mind. I think many people need to experience the struggle themself to fully understand and have empathy for others..which I find sad. I love you girl!

    Carrie LaFollette

  8. I agree...this last Mother's Day I thought of a friend who had tried IVF & the baby was conceived only to be lost a few weeks later to miscarriage, she was really heavy on my heart along with my sister who had a stillborn daughter when I was just a young girl, that day I called them both & wished them a Happy Mother's day, because they both have angels in heaven waiting for them. I cried with each of them for their loss, wishing I could someohow take away the pain.