A lot of people have asked me "What's it like a year later?" I guess a year is supposed to be some huge milestone when it comes to anything. A year on the job, a baby's first year, the 1st year of marriage. All are happy joyful celebrations or accomplishments. So what is a year after loss like?
I think it can be considered a celebration of making it through something that 12 months prior looked foggy and out of focus. I think a year after loss is a positive step towards progressive healing.
Personally for me, a year when I hit a year, I felt this weight lifted off my shoulders. I was comfortable with my loss, understanding of why Vayden had to go, and for the first time truly hopeful for the future. I don't cry when I think of Vayden or even talk about it, I'm less offended by the little things and I understand 100% that I did nothing wrong from the moment I chose to get pregnant to the last few breaths he took.
Today marks the 13th month Vayden has been gone and I'm fine, I know he is so proud of me. I know that I have made him happy and that's all a mother really ever wants to do.
So what's it like? It's peaceful, it's calm, and it's ok.
I love you Vayden.
Can't believe our little miracle is 3 years old!
5 years ago