Wednesday, June 23, 2010

So What is it Like??

A lot of people have asked me "What's it like a year later?" I guess a year is supposed to be some huge milestone when it comes to anything. A year on the job, a baby's first year, the 1st year of marriage. All are happy joyful celebrations or accomplishments. So what is a year after loss like?

I think it can be considered a celebration of making it through something that 12 months prior looked foggy and out of focus. I think a year after loss is a positive step towards progressive healing.

Personally for me, a year when I hit a year, I felt this weight lifted off my shoulders. I was comfortable with my loss, understanding of why Vayden had to go, and for the first time truly hopeful for the future. I don't cry when I think of Vayden or even talk about it, I'm less offended by the little things and I understand 100% that I did nothing wrong from the moment I chose to get pregnant to the last few breaths he took.

Today marks the 13th month Vayden has been gone and I'm fine, I know he is so proud of me. I know that I have made him happy and that's all a mother really ever wants to do.

So what's it like? It's peaceful, it's calm, and it's ok.

I love you Vayden.


  1. I love you Vayden! Stepahnie you are the definition of a strong women!

  2. Such a beautiful post and you are a very amazing women. Thinking of you so often and thankful for the ministry you started to help others.


  3. I'm with you on this one Stephanie!! I feel the same way. ♥ you!

    Happy 13 months Vayden!

  4. It was like a weight was lifted for me too. We got all the major days out of the way so to speak. It still sucks and hurts at times. but the pain has gotten better. (((hugs)))