If you asked me that question in a room of mothers who have angels, I might be the only one with my hands in my lap. I've met so many women on this journey, walking on the same path of infant loss, yet while they shift left to start trying again I walk straight. On my walk I meet and pick up stranded new mothers on this road trip, those that choose to carry to term, those that just recently suffered a loss, or those who trust me enough to share the story of their very own angel. My road trip is not depressing and contrary to others beliefs doing what I do does not leave me stagnate in one place of my grief. I learn something new every day about grief, I teach someone something new everyday about loss.
I love the memories, I have a photo of Vayden on my desk at home and every time I look at it, I smile. When I go back to the day I smile and I keep smiling, because I know he's smiling at me. New babies are very time consuming, before I raise my hand when asked if I want another baby I want to be sure that even with the new baby, I wont leave out my other two babies. That means that I will continue My Very Own Angel and play "I see you" with Vashon over and over again. My mom told me after I had Vashon, not to think about having another baby until he got his time to shine. I think I'm going to do the same with Vayden. Speaking of shinning, Vayden at only 3 heavenly months old made the local news click this link http://myveryownangel.org/MVOA-in-the-Media.php
I've said it before if it is for me to have another baby, then God will make it happen, if it's not I will always be a mother of two amazing boys.
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Can't believe our little miracle is 3 years old!
11 years ago
Posts
I love your perspective and your desire to help other grieving families. Your boys must be so proud of their mama!
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad I got to know you through blogland & I just love what your doing. I know both of your boys will always be proud of you. Also what a great post. Thanx for sharing. {{HUGS}}
ReplyDeleteCaroline
I too love your outlook on life. I look forward to reading your posts because I know that I will be blessed by reading your words. Vayden and Vashon are lucky to have you as their mommy!
ReplyDeleteThroughout the past six months, I've said to myself, "Well, we couldn't have done this with Jonah." I'm not happy that he's gone but you do realize that whatever path you choose (or is chosen for you), there are positives or negatives. As I recently said to someone, there's no "correct" way to grieve; you just have to do what feels right.
ReplyDeleteMuch love to you!
Kelly
Just found your blog via MVOA. What an inspiration you are! You've found a way to continue to see the positives in life. I lost my baby girl on 2/26/09, five hours after she was born. I miss her so, but try to go on living for her and the rest of my family. We've been blessed with an unexpected pregnancy and are due 3/1/10--a time of year I would not have chosen. I also have a blog. It isn't nearly as cool as yours though! I am very impressed with your words, thougts and take on life.
ReplyDeleteIn tears, heartache and love,
Beth
houselogfamily.blogspot.com
I have no desire to go through another pregnancy. I am in no way in the right place to even think about it right now. I'm right there with you! Wyatt needs his time to shine and I don't think I will ever actively "try" to get pregnant again. If I'm meant to get pregnant, God will make it happen. My first baby was a BC baby...
ReplyDeleteThere's nothing wrong with not wanting to try for another just as there is nothing wrong in trying again. We all do what is best for ourselves and our families. I know God will allow it to happen when it is time. While I would really like to be pregnant, I am learning to be content with what God has given me already and this helps when each month it doesn't happen. In any case, I think it's safe to say you have your hands pretty full with Vashon and his bundle of energy. :)
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to let you know that you have a beautiful smile and outlook on life. From an outsider, it looks as though your inner beauty shines to the outside. Your sons are both beautiful as well. Thank you for sharing yourself with the blogging world. : )
ReplyDeleteI have been following your story since they thought my baby had enlarged bladder at 11 weeks. Unfortunately, we lost him at 17 weeks just 2 weeks ago. I am not dealing with his very well, but I am trying. You inspired me to do my own blog..sometimes it helps to just...write about it.
ReplyDeletehttp://anewplangabriel.blogspot.com/
Thanks for the inspiration and the sharing of your story.
Megan
You are right, When you are ready God will know and he will give you another beautiful baby! I love that you do so much to help other moms in their time of grief. And I think if we are open to learnign and growing we all can learn somehting new everyday! Thanks for everything you do! Your candles are just beautiful! Seeing all the candles lit around the world makes my heart smile!
ReplyDeleteI love your mother's way of putting that. To let his light shine. That's beautiful.
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