Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Does Time Heal All Wounds?

So it's been 2 yrs 1 month since my sweet Vayden passed away and every day I find myself adjusting and understanding what is now normal in my life. It's normal for me to tell people that ask that I have 3 children. It's normal for them to question the 3 when they only see 2 and are told that Vashon is my 1st and Varen in my last. Telling Vayden's story to strangers is like telling them my name. I don't blink, hang my head or get teary eyed anymore. It's also normal for me to try to include Vayden in our daily lives, but it's also getting hard.
Does time heal all wounds?
I think it does. I still have the scars from my loss, those will never go away. I see them everyday, I'm reminded everyday that one of my kids is no longer with me. But sometimes I forget the pain I went through while carrying Vayden, and sometimes I forget the pain I went through in the early months after the loss. I sometimes read over my posts from the past, the rawness of the words I wrote, the feelings I had. Even I am brought to tears, I understand why people say they can't read my blog or when they do all they do is cry. The honesty of those emotions even bring me to tears. I can't even believe I felt those things, I can't even believe I went through that. Then I glance over at Vayden's photo on my shelf and all I can do is hang my head a little low and miss my baby.
It's a catch 22 because I know in my heart that if Vayden were here, Varen would not be here. So I don't know, am I blessed because I've had the pleasure of carrying and giving birth to 3 wonderful beautiful boys ? or Would I have been blessed with just Vashon and Vayden and never having to experience such a great loss? I guess I would say I'm blessed to have been able to have all 3 of my boys even if Vayden was only for a short time.
So when will my broken heart mend? Probably the day I see Vayden again.
25 months without you my sweet love.

4 comments:

  1. What a beautiful post. I agree I think it does to a point but I will never be happy until I reach Heaven.
    {{{HUGS}}}

    ReplyDelete
  2. There will def always be scars and I def agree with you about the broken heart. It won't completely heal until we're with our babies again.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thank you for sharing this... I lost my daughter 4 months ago and think the same thing every day... "Will this get easier?" I still cry pretty much every time I talk about her. I am glad to hear you say that in some sense it does get easier... but I agree with you that I don't think I'll ever be truly "happy" again until I can hold her again! ((Hugs)) - Kim

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hi Stephanie, Beautiful post I am in the mist of those raw emotions you spoke of. We lost our son one month ago. It helps so much to read others stories. Absolutely beautiful portraits of you pregnant, and your sweet Vayden.

    ReplyDelete