Thursday, April 29, 2010

Good News

I'm breaking my silence although only a few people are still out of the loop. I have over 100 blog followers yet since Vayden's loss I get about 10-20 readers on each post, so those readers I consider loyal and those readers I'd like to share my news with. I've never been good at keeping secrets and I never really knew why I was keeping it a secret. Fear was not the reason, I actually have very little fear about this baby. I guess I just wanted to give Vayden his full year, but the more and more people that are finding out are showing me that Vayden is just as if not more important now, and for that I am thankful. I've been keeping a blog for this baby I apologize for the many post that you will have to catch up on. This baby is Due December 10, 2010 and I am not considered high risk because Vayden's condition was non genetic, which is why I haven't seen my midwife yet. My 1st appt is May 13,2010 and I am 100% fine with that, just hoping they only find one baby in there, lol. Despite my good vibes and strong faith I still would love prayers from you all. I am sticking to my word and not making the big Facebook announcement until either after my appt or after Vayden's birthday, so if you are friends with me on facebook nothing on my wall please. :) I will still be blogging on this blog however as stated before this is Vayden's blog so all the post will be about him.

Friday, April 23, 2010

When I Get Upset

I get upset when I look at Vashon playing alone and he looks sad, because I know that my perfect plan of having two kids only 26 months apart was ruined the day Vayden died.

I get upset when I look at his pictures and wonder how he would look now at 11 months old.

I get upset when friends from high school find me on Facebook and fail to acknowledge Vayden, you will not open up a new wound if you say "I'm sorry for your loss" it does not break my heart or make me cry to tell his story.

I get upset whenever I go out and see baby safari bedroom sets, because that was what Vayden's bedroom was going to be.

I get upset when I turn on the news to hear that someone killed a child.

I get upset when I see pregnant women that smoke or drink.

I get upset that I even get upset for my loss when women that suffer from infertility hurt far more than I have.

Today marks 11 heavenly months that Vayden has been away and this month I miss him so much today and I'm watching Vashon play all by himself I am upset.

Happy 11th month in Heaven sweet Vayden, your big brother miss you and mommy and daddy do too.