Vashon Needed His Brother

Today marks 14 months for Vayden being in Heaven. We are now 14 months behind schedule of having a complete family, we may never have that "complete" family.


Last night I was sitting on the computer and Vashon was playing in the living room, I over heard him having a conversation with either himself or an imaginary friend. I know that, that is very common for kids his age so it didn't freak me out, but it did make me a little sad. I hate that he has to talk to himself when he could have very well been able to talk with Vayden. I still get upset at how perfect their age gap was, how my two boys would probably fight, but also be the best of friends. I sometime don't have the energy or understanding to play some of the crazy games Vashon wants to play, Vayden would have been perfect to play with him. Even though Vashon is going to get another brother or sister, he still has to wait at least another year for the baby to be any fun, that adds another year to Vashon's age and I fear that he will find the baby too young or immature.

I still think about Vayden daily but my heart doesn't ache for him as often, I think I'm in the process now of grieving for Vashon, he doesn't know how much Vayden would mean to him now, but I do.

My pregnancy is progressing well and I'm 1 week away from the BIG u/s. I have so many feelings about that but will write about it in my other blog.



Happy 14th month sweet Vayden James, Mommy loves you