Vashon was potty training since September of last year, he became TRAINED in Feb with accidents here and there but nothing that caused me to stress or worry. In this last 2 weeks Vashon has had 1 or 2 accidents a day. I'm a SAHM and I don't know if I'm good at it, Vashon is always clean and taken care of, he's smart and fun, but I've always known how to work and I've been good at that. SAHM blame themselves a lot, well at least I do, if your child is with you everyday all day then whatever he does is your fault good or bad. So we toot our horns when they reach milestones and we hang our head in shame when they embarrass us. Logical thinking tells me it's a toddler thing, and he would do it if he stayed at home or if he went to school. But my mind is so loud and all I can hear when he poops and pee's on himself is FAILURE. So I wonder why is he doing this? A dear friend of mine is a childhood nurse and she is like my super nanny, so I called her to discuss this and just like everything you'll find in a book or online she asked "have we changed anything in his life?" I said "No" other than finding out we were pregnant which we don't talk about a lot in the house. Every now and then if he's jumping around close to me we'll say "mommy has a baby in her belly, so you need to be careful" but we don't just always talk about the new baby.
Day after day he has a poop accident and I wonder every time what is going on in your little head, but today was the day when it really just upset me. While I cleaned the mess off the floor I shouted "if Vayden were here I wouldn't be so mad about this poop" Vayden would be 11 mo old right now and he wouldn't be potty trained so I would be dealing with poop messes already and for some reason in my mind I think it would have made Vashon accidents flow better. But instead I see him poop on the floor or poop in his underwear and I hear FAILURE. I think the grief bug has got me, because I spent a large part of the day crying my eyes out just upset that at the fact that Vayden is not here.
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Can't believe our little miracle is 3 years old!
11 years ago
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It's so hard, especially this month. What, with Mother's Day and Vayden's day coming up...it's hard. And I feel like that everyday. I found myself just this morning having to go downstairs and kicking a door because Kayla insisted she had to go poopy but it wouldn't come out and she can't go at daycare. (I secretly think she knows that something is not right with Mommy and lately wants to be by my side every minute). It wasn't the fact that I was going to be late for work or irritated by her behavior lately. I know that is was something more. This month is going to be really hard, but cry, scream, kick, do whatever and get the frustration and sadness out. And enjoy Vashon - and your pregnancy. Congratulations and I wish you nothing but the best, because Lord knows you deserve it.
ReplyDeleteGrief is a funny thing. It sometimes shows up in the most weirdest places. Like...when a kid poops! I know our sitautions are differnt, but after I placed Camden, I would get really upset about something, example, someone was really rude to me or something. Next thing I know, I'm crying because I miss Camden, and not because the person was rude to me, or whatever had initially upset me. But just know...i KNOW that you are not a failure. You are far from that. You are an angel also because you brought an angel into this world out of pure selflessness. =)
ReplyDelete((big hugs)) Stephanie you are not a failure. I know it's so hard not to feel that way because you are his mommy and want to do a great job. I can imagine how hard it must be to take care of Vashon, your rainbow baby, while missing Vayden. I am sending love and good thoughts your way.
ReplyDeleteOh Stephanie you are in NO way, shape, form, a failure. Vayden's angelversary is fast approaching, and you are pregnant with a beautiful gift, and the feelings are fiercely bubbling over. It's your heart aching, and that's OK. There are times that someone might just look at me in a way that upsets me, and I fall to pieces. Sometimes you never know what will sneak up on you. I know failure would NEVER, EVER be a way to describe you. You are a loving, giving, and oh so special person to me, and to so, so many others that you have touched. I know that Vayden is looking at you and so proud of his mommy, feeling lucky to have you love him so much.
ReplyDelete((((((Huge Hugs)))))
Paula
I know how that feels.... not in the same way of course but I'll think and say things in the most craziest moments....But it's just the enemy trying to bring you down...I've known you for a matter of a few weeks and I think you are an amazing person, mother, mentor and leader. You have inspired me to want more and learn more from my experiences. Know that the gift you give people in helping them recover from such heartache is the greatest gift and GoD holds a special place in his heart for you! God Bless you!
ReplyDeleteHey Steph. Congrats on the new baby!!! I just read. I am so happy and excited for you. Ali did the whole potty trained and then regressed back to accidents. I am a full time working mom. So you are dead on. It's a toddler thing. Some do it some don't. I wanted him to be night trained so badly but finally gave up b/c I was sick of him peeing on me a night :).
ReplyDeleteAnd another wave comes.... (((hug)))
ReplyDeleteIt's hard not to see setbacks as failures with our children. Kyndra isn't even interested at all in PLing and I wonder if I'm doing it wrong even though I know that she just might not be ready.