Saturday, May 23, 2015

The Color of Love

I saw this quote that said "At times I fit into lyrics, more than I fit into life" therapy is what I call it. I have been using that a lot more these days. Have you ever heard a song and it was almost like it was written for you? I've been feeling like that for quite some time lately.

The songs we used for Vayden's memorial slide show hold so much importance. Color of Love by Boyz II Men. That song tells such a warming story of living and learning to love. Vayden taught me so much about love, true, real and honest love. I go back every year the week before his birthday, I read my blog and relive what I went through, this is how I continue to heal each year. I had so much love, and passion for Vayden from the moment I found out something was wrong. Fight or Flight, and I was all fight. I educated myself on anything and everything to do with his condition, I tortured myself with things that would break any person with a heart and soul. I overly prepared myself, and when I found out there was just no more for me to do, I didn't quit (despite what some may think) I LOVED. I loved enough to know that to much damage had been done, that healing would come in the loss and that the pain, stress, & agony was no longer what either of us needed. Vayden fought, and I fought too, but at some point we were fighting two different battles, until we got on the same page. In a past post, I said....."I just want time, anytime, just time" and he gave that to me, because he loved me, and I let him go because I loved him.

So from in the lyrics of the song

So how I want to thank you,
I can't thank you enough,
For showing me the meaning,
The meaning of true love,
 When I was lost and so in need you opened up your heart
 When I needed you to comfort me you opened up you arms
 I couldn't face another day you said don't be afraid
You showed my heart the, showed me the way

Vayden never left me, because the things he taught me stay with me in my heart, he taught me true love and it feels absolutely amazing.

Happy 6th Heavenly Birthday Vayden, I always miss, I will always love you, and thank you for showing me what true really is.

Love Always,